The “I-Don’t-Like-Labels-Don’t-Call-Me-A” Lesbian

I'll tell you what I can't stand: Girls who like girls but refuse to label themselves in one way or the other. WTF?? Labeling is fun! How else are we going to identify and make fun of so many groups, you crystal-worshipping dumbasses?

I am happy to announce the "I-Don't-Like-Labels-Don't-Call-Me-A" Lesbian as a separate category because, by categorizing this phenomenon, we are labeling it, and that is going to piss off so many annoying people. The "I-Don't-Like-Labels-Don't-Call-Me-A" Lesbian is incredibly easy to identify because she says tiresome things like, “I don’t love genitalia; I love people,” and “I’m not anything you can label; I’m just me.” She will usually say this looking deeply into a woman’s eyes over a private cup of coffee.

Difficult to read in a social setting, the "I-Don't-Like-Labels-Don't-Call-Me-A" Lesbian is nonetheless the easiest person to spot and sleep with, once you get her in a one-on-one situation. If she, at any time, utters the phrase, “I wouldn’t call myself a lesbian; I just love who I love,” consider that an open invitation. Get the check, get the coats, and get her in your car.