How Much Is That Homo In The Window

Good evening, snatch-goblins.


Were you aware that Halloween is this week?


BECAUSE MIDGEON P. BUNDLESWORTH HAS BEEN COUNTING DOWN THE DAYS.


OMG.

OMG.

OMG.

There are 16 other photographs (none of which are Photoshopped), all with Midge in different Bavarian outfits.  


I have become that lady.

*Backstory!*
My co-worker, Anna, volunteers at the Red Door Animal Shelter here in Chicago.  

The other day, while making elaborate fruit tarts, she told me something very interesting:  every three months, there's a bunny meet 'n' greet at the shelter.  

A sort of "hoppy hour", if you will, for rabbit enthusiasts. 


You can get your rabbit's claws clipped, meet other bunny owners, and have themed photos taken with your bun.

I started to get very excited.  
But it was still three weeks away!
I waited and waited and waited.


And then! on Saturday, I threw off the covers, went "It's today! It's today!", loaded an angry Midge into her carrier, and went to the shelter.


Like a new mother, boring the shit out of everyone around her, I longed for other girls to talk to, ad nauseum, about Midge.  


I was hoping for champagne and maybe one or two cute vegan girls.

I was not prepared for LesbianFest 2010.


You guys.  There were lesbians everywhere.  


*An older dyke couple with eight (holy shit) rabbits and subtly matching sweatsuits.  

*Younger dykes nervously clutching their carriers. 

*A motorcycle leather dyke who owned three bunnies and had a custom-made cowhide carrier.  (Stylish, yet not ostentatious.)


Every. other. person at the shelter was a lesbian.


[via diaphragm]

They were all laughing, eating off the veggie plate, and watching the rabbits get photographed in costume. And everyone was covered, head to foot, in fur.


It was like I could see my future.


This was where I was headed.

Over a shared hummus platter, I started talking to the older lesbian couple.  

One of them, Sherri, said, "Really?  You only have the one bun?  Why, then, she needs a friend."


Her partner jokingly said, "Don't listen to her. That's how all this (gesturing to the eight rabbits lined up on a table with a backdrop of a Bavarian village behind them) got started."

It was weird to see so many lesbians of different ages in one place in Chicago.   

Is this what it takes for us to break through socioeconomic barriers around here?  A shared love of lagomorphs?

(by grandylion)

Hoppy Hour was still in full swing when I left.  
Midgeon P., with newly-clipped claws, huddled in the back of her carrier and glared at me.  

[via disapprovingrabbits]

As I drove home on the scooter, I thought about dykes and their animals.  

I tried to think of one lesbian I knew who didn't have some kind of pet. 
  
There was no one. 

When I used to bitch about not knowing enough homos in Minneapolis, Chinda would roll her eyes and say, "Just get a fucking dog already.  You'll meet every lez in the city at the dog park."


I borrowed Blu, Chinda's dog, to see if it was true.  

And you know what?  She was right.  Dog parks are more full of dykes than organic food co-ops.

[via lesfemmes]

Why is that?  
What is up with us dykes and our pets?  


The immediate, jokey answer is that we're replacing human babies with furry babies.

But that's stupid.
I have no desire to have children.  
Zero.  
None.  


While I can cheerfully own up to calling Midgie "my baby"...I don't mean she's my baby, my real reason for living, the closest I'm ever going to get to a flesh-and-blood child of my own.  

If I wanted, I could have a kid.  'Tiny miracles' ain't all that hard to come by.

Right now, in my phone, I have three attractive gay boys with high SAT scores willing to help me turkey-baster-it tomorrow, should I have the desire to fill up my womb.

But I don't want kids.  
I want pets.

A Great Dane.  More bunnies.  
Ferrets.  Ducks.  
A sturdy pony who gets all shaggy in the wintertime on the hobby farm of my fantasies.

So how could I be replacing a baby if I don't want to have a baby?


I've never met a lesbian who didn't like or have pets.  


Chinda's right - go to any dog park, and who's there?  
The queers.

We lesbians are also famous for being obsessed with cats.  How many cracks have you heard about lesbians and their "pussies"?  

Maybe sometimes those jokes are funny because they're just a little bit based on truth.  

I actually do have a friend who has a motherfucking tattoo of her cat's face on her forearm.

What is it with us?  Why are we fur-obsessed?


Straight people have animals.  
Straight people even get obsessed with their animals.
So why can I think of 5 straight people, off the top of my head, who don't have pets?  


Try it!  Think of 5 dykes you know.  How many of them, coupled or single, have a pet?

[via enginehearttt]

All of them?


Then do it for the heteros.  I realize that there are a lot more straight folks in the world than gay, but still - gay people overwhelmingly have pets.

Does the pet-owner/faggy-sex-haver ratio have anything to do with vegetarianism?  

(by YCHao)

Are we, as homos, more into keeping lil' beasts because we know what it's like to be unwanted?  

Do more of us own pets because we fags are overwhelmingly 'bleeding-heart liberals?" 

[via lesfemmes]

Or do we really just appreciate a pair of outrageously fuzzy ears?

[via cuteoverload]

Do you know a dyke who doesn't like animals?  

(by ADRIEN!)

simple stripes!

-zara blue stripes, forever21 necklace, unbranded belt and shoes-

finally,i updated my blog today, a few weeks I've been busy with my assigment at my college so I don't have time to update my blog :(
today I'm wearing clothes that are large. I really like wearing clothes that are large because many people say that I have a small body :)
and I took a picture together with my dog,he named Jason. he really fattttt and cute! can you imagine? with a small body, he weight 8 grams pounds.hahhaha
really fat or not? haha
and i lovee jason tooo muccchhh♥♥

Swelling the Ranks

Hi oyster-divers!


Madison was fantastic.  There were lesbians everywhere.

[via hellogirls]

And it was basically free!


Remember when I had that job where I was in a different city every day?  Remember that?

Well, one of the perks of it was that I got to keep all my rental car points, hotel points, and frequent flier miles.  


After two years on the road, I officially have more hotel points than God.  


Now, because my lady is a special lady, I treated her ass to an elegant free night at the Holiday Inn Express in Madison for our 5-year anniversary.

You know.  Timeless sophistication.  Class.  Style. 
That's just how I roll.  


*Totallynottobragbut*  I am a Platinum Priority Club member at the Holiday Inn.  

This means that, for two consecutive years running, I've stayed over 50 nights a year at different Holiday Inns around the country.

I used to be strangely proud of my high status.  I'd fling my Platinum Card down on the marble check-in desk with practiced casualness. 


I was world-weary.  
I stayed in hotels every night.  
I wanted my free goodie bag.

[via lesfemmes]

But then, one snowy night last February, I checked into a Holiday Inn in Cincinnati.  My flight had been delayed, so it was very late at night - around 2 in the morning.  
I had just made Platinum.


Impressed with my newly-minted status, I made a show of yawning while drawing out my Holiday Inn Platinum Card.  (It's silver and kinda glittery.)


Teenage Male Clerk Behind the Holiday Inn Desk:  Welcome.  Oh, hey, that's a platinum card.  


Me:  (trying to sound bored while being incredibly excited at this recognition of my high status)  Oh, um, yep.  Travel a lot. You know.  Stay here a lot.


Teenage Male Clerk:  Wow.  (pause)  Your life sucks.


Oh.

[via darlingdays]

You guys.  The pimpled, teenage night-shift clerk wearing a polyester clip-on tie at a Holiday Inn in Cincinnati thought my life sucked.  


And he was so right!  My life did suck!  That platinum card I was so proud of meant I had spent a major portion of my young adult life in a Holiday Inn!

[via lesfemmes]

Fuck.


So anyway! I used some of my ten bazillion hotel points for our stay in Madison.  


CJ and I had a good, trashy weekend.

[via diaphragm]

We sat at a cafe and made fun of some dykes wearing upside-down visors.  

We visited a gay bar called The Shamrock - affectionately known among locals as The Shame Cock.  

We bought $7.99 pink champagne and got extra classy in the hotel hot tub.


Oh yes.


But while walking about the city, hand in hand and feeling smug, we saw something I haven't ever actually seen in real life:  A gay-hater with signs.   

In Madison!  One of the gayest cities in the Midwest!  And no one even seemed to care!  


I couldn't believe it. 

[via girlsbravo] 

A woman, in her mid-50s, was standing on the corner. 

She was wearing a pale pink sweatsuit and scuffed white sneakers.  
She had a hand-lettered sign that said "Gays and Lesbians Want Your Children- They Recruit."  
The other side of the sign had that tired old Bible verse from Leviticus 18:22: "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination."


We walked by her, holding hands.  

I guess we could have confronted her, but we were having a lovely day, and can you really ever talk someone out of their worldview in 3 minutes on the street?


All I could think was:  Fuck yeah we recruit.

[via rememberwhenwewerekids]

But, at least for me, it has more of a "missionary" vibe to it.


Dump your boyfriend!  Come be a lesbian!  It's super over here!  Come bring your boobs this way!  We'd love to have you!

[via lezbhonest]

But I only do that kind of direct marketing when I see a really hot straight girl with her boyfriend and it spontaneously bursts out of me.


In reality, we gays don't need to recruit.


People are lining up to be gay. 

[via hellogirls]

It helps that it's fucking trendy and that Ellen DeGeneres is the face of Oil of Olay.  

It helps that every celebrity on god's green earth is suddenly "admitting" to being bisexual.

C'mon!  People are either queer or they ain't. 

You can't recruit! 


Even if I was actively trying to convince every woman I met for the rest of my life to participate in "the homosexual lifestyle", they'd all eventually have to make the plunge on their own.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.


Or, as CJ put it so tastefully:  "You can grind your cootchie in a girl's face all you want, but she's the one who has to stick her tongue out."

Nice.


I dunno.  The idea that gays recruit seems funny to me, but conservative Christians take it seriously.  

That's the reason they're against gays in school, gays in the military, gays anywhere...they somehow think that our gay glitter will rub off on them.  
Or their children.  


They should be so lucky.  

*Attention conservative Christians:  We don't want you.  Even if we were recruiting people, and that actually worked, we don't take people who wear pleated khakis.

Seriously!  I feel like conservative Christians spend more time thinking about gay sex than I do.

And that's a lot of time.


We homos don't need to recruit.  

If we had a recruitment office, we'd have our feet up on the desk while we ordered pizza and lazily sifted through the 20-ft-tall stack of applicants.

I know it's fun to jokingly try to get your straight friends to switch teams when you go out for drinks, but...


Do you think it's possible to recruit?

(by `Lðuie Banks)

What do y'allfags think about this?