Talk to Your Doctor

(Sad, quiet piano music)


(Different voices echoing)

"You just haven't been...yourself lately."

"You're abandoning activities you used to love."

"It's like you're not even here."

(Soothing female voiceover):

We've all been there.

But when does a habit turn into...an addiction?

At what point have you lost control? Maybe you feel confused, overwhelmed, or anxious, and you don't know where to turn.

When is it time...for help?

Lesbian Cell Phone Drama, or LCPD, is a real disease, with real symptoms, and it affects millions of lesbians across the country. You are not alone.

Night after night, you go out to socialize, but instead find yourself in the quietest corner of the bar, trying to soothe your hysterically jealous girlfriend.

Or maybe you're playing the field. You try to keep your love life under wraps, but the damn tricks keep calling you. They're obsessed. They want to be your girlfriend. You know you shouldn't answer an unknown number, but you just...can't...help it. Your friends have given up. You're always on the phone. Always having a dramatic whispered conversation. Actually drawing more attention to yourself by trying to chat privately in a public place.

Maybe you're even displaying symptoms of LCPTDD, or Lesbian Cell Phone Texting-Drama Disorder.

Your life is so dramatic. And it's not your fault.

Talk to your doctor about LCPD.

There's hope for you. You can stop this disease.

Treatments are available, ranging from downgrading your cell phone plan to refusing to speak to psycho dykes on a regular basis.
LCPD. It's time to end the drama.

Celtic Tattoos

When you are about to choose a Celtic tattoo, you should definitely know the Celtic design meaning. Celtic tattoos can be created from many sources. You can use traditional designs or use your own unique ideas to create a tattoo.



Celtic Tattoos Designs and Symbols You Can Use
By Larry Christopher

Celtic symbols and designs have become very popular as the images chosen for tattoos. There are many ways to display Celtic designs as tattoos -you can either use them as the entire tattoo or as part of a tattoo.

Dragons and Celtic tattoo design.

Animals or what are known as zoomorphic images done in the old Celtic style make striking tattoo images. These are often fantasy creatures like dragons or sea monsters, but they can be of any animal. If you want ideas for this, look at images from the Book of Kells, a medieval Irish manuscript that is full of beautiful Celtic images, many of them zoomorphic pictures.

Celtic Knot Tattoo

Celtic knotwork can make a great tattoo, or the border of any tattoo. It is a very good way to use different colors in an artistic and noticeable way. The knot represents infinity and works well going around your wrist, arm or leg. If you want to get a Celtic knot as a tattoo, make sure you go to an artist who is good at this kind of image, as they are not easy to draw.

Celtic Cross Tattoo

Celtic crosses also make great tattoo images. They are usually drawn with knotwork. Other images that you can use are shamrocks, leprechauns, and triskeles, which are triple spirals. The latter are ancient images that have been found at sites in the British Isles --these go back to even pre-Celtic times, but they have been used in Celtic art for centuries.

Celtic Triangle Tattoo

Celtic culture in general is a synthesis of pagan and Christian beliefs, and tattoos likewise can convey any (or no particular) type of spirituality. Celtic tattoos are often categorized as tribal tattoos, as they use symbols with a tribal appearance. The good thing about Celtic style art is that it can be used to create almost any kind of image. You can stick with traditional Celtic subjects like animals, crosses, knots and the like, or you can design a completely unique tattoo using elements of the Celtic style.

Celtic designs are a rich and varied source of inspiration for the arts, and this includes the world of tattoos.
Learn more about the exciting world of Celtic Tattoos!
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Homo Haircuts

It was time for a haircut.

Everybody else was getting off the plane. I was bent over strands of my own hair, deeply engrossed in breaking off split-ends and seeing how far up I could make 'em go. After a particularly satisfying fracture, I looked up.

The entire plane was staring at me, silent.

Apparently it was my turn to get my carry-on. Anyway! today I went to MasterCuts in a strip mall in Madison. Will the glamour never stop.
The tantastic hairdresser asked me what I wanted. Here is, word-for-word, what I said:

"Mmkay, I'm kinda growing my hair out so I can put it into an obnoxious ponytail and shake it at people when I get annoyed, but I travel for a living and it's all split ends and I wanna be able to put it up but I still want to be able to have it look cool, kinda like a little kid took scissors to it, and also I have bangs as you can see, but I like to keep them too long and in my eyes, but really straight, 'cause they're sorta hipster bangs, right?"

She nodded seriously, got out her clips, and said, "So you want a trim."

Fuck.

It is really difficult to be confronted with bald evidence that you're ridiculous.

Here's the issue, though: What I really wanted was something I couldn't ask for. I wanted a Dyke Haircut.

What's a dyke haircut, you ask?

Bitch please.

Who's the gay girl in this picture? A dyke haircut is a haircut that marks you immediately as a homo, and it's always either one of two things:

1) a really, shockingly, fucktardedly-bad haircut. Often involves a flat-top, a buzz cut, or a non-ironic mullet.

2) an amazingly cool, can't-put-your-finger-on-why-it's-so-great, blindingly stylish haircut that either cost two hundred dollars in a salon with a fag named Gianni or was cut in your kitchen by your friend Gretchen who takes a blunt as payment.

There's only two kinds, folks.

Let's talk about the first type of dyke haircut first. It is bad and wrong. Perhaps you've seen this around town:

Or this: This is the type of haircut that you get when you're a lesbian and you just. don't. giveafuckanymore. It screams, "I'm a homo! I teach gym! I wear a sports bra as my regular bra and I eat pussy and it is absolutely no fun for anybody to picture that."EW.

But do not despair, sluts. As we have discussed, there is another type of dyke haircut, and it is much better. You have options if you're going to get a dyke haircut! You have potential! You could look like this:

Or this:
You have to use the word "choppy" if you want your hairfag to do good work. True dyke haircuts are gorgeous works of art and everybody copies you and then it doesn't work on anybody else. Plus they're good for helping you identify the homogirls in a crowd.

I love me a good dyke haircut. Too bad I now look like I live in the suburbs of Madison. Thanks, MasterCuts.

There is only one last thing to say about dyke haircuts, and with it, I give to you a WARNING: If you see a girl with a shaved head, do yourself a favor and stay the fuck away from her. Even if she's totally pulling it off. A girl who has a freshly-shaved head is C-R-A-Z-Y. Women shave their heads when:

1)they're newly awakened feminists taking freshman Women's Studies courses

2)they're brand-new at being gay

3)they've just gone through a major life change (ended a major relationship, moved to a new city, had an abortion)
4)they're popping pills/heavily medicated/taking drugs

If you meet a cute girl with a shaved head, just back slooooowly away, whispering in a soothing tone: "I don't have your baby, I'm not in your class, I'm not holding, I haven't seen your girlfriend. I don't have your baby, I'm not in your class, I'm not holding......"

This works like a mantra to ward off evil.

Stay away from the baldies and you'll be fine.

Skull and Crossbones Tattoos

Skull and crossbones is a very popular design among skull tattoos.The skull and crossbones symbols is often used to signify poisonous or hazardous materials, death and a symbol of caution. Portrayed in flags of pirates known as "Jolly Roger", the skull and crossbones was used to convey a message of fear to those traveling the seas. Although the skull and crossbones design was flown on the flagpoles of pirates ships, the first known record of pirates using the symbol, was on land.

Since the bygone days of pirates, the skull and crossbones design is used by various military groups as an insignia or emblem. While the skull and crossbones symbolize many of these things in the past, the symbol is tattooed by many people today from all walks of life. Not only are the men still getting the design as a tattoo, but their are skull tattoos for women as well.

Skull and Crossbones Tattoo Designs

Technorati Tags: skull tattoos, skull and crossbones, tattoos, tatoos, tattos, skull and crossbones pictures

The Starter Lez

Last week, while in Canada with my co-worker, Drew, I announced that I was going to slit my wrists if I had to spend one more night in Winnipeg. She said:

"Yeah. The only thing Canada is famous for is being America's hat."

and then:

"Krista, if I was gonna go for the ladies, who would be a good 'Starter Lez?' "

Clearly, Drew's mind was not on the fact that I was going to commit suicide. My phone had been goddammit roaming for a week! No one cares.

Well! Good thing I always want to help a friend by recruiting her over to the dyke side.

A Starter Lez, huh?

A Starter Lez is the first woman you ever sleep with. What Drew wanted was to find the perfect 1st-time-lesbian-experience. This is not surprising - homo is the new black. Hello, Katy Perry.

All straight American females under the age of 35 who don't live under a rock and don't suck and didn't vote for McCain and watch '30 Rock' because they kinda like Tina Fey (she gives them the tinglies) want to have at least one sexy-times experience with a girl. That way you can casually toss off at parties that you're bi. And then boys will think, "I must get with her. It could happen again." And you will be popular and cool. So, everybody wants to go girl-on-girl! Yippeee! So what's the problem?

The problem, straight girls, is that you all want the same 1st-time experience, and you want it to happen naturally, without having to prowl in bars or hit up the Internet. Your 1st-time experience also has to happen with a female who is:

1) Gay or seriously bi

2) Feminine

3) Pretty

4) Not fat

5) Young

6) Very experienced (so you don't have to do anything)

7) Willing to take on a straight girl who will, at best, lie there passively and go, "ooh, wow, I've never actually seen one before, you know, up close" or, at worst, freak out, burst into tears, and puke all over the bed. (She just needed a few vodka cranberries to relax.)

This amazing lesbian who is gonna make sure you have a wonderful, safe, and hot first time with the pussy also has to be:

someone you don't know, clean, bold enough to make the first move, not a drug-user, not creepy, OK with the fact that you're using her, and willing to give you a step-by-step tutorial. And give you an orgasm.
Right?

Well, tough shit, hussies. That leaves about one lesbian left in the entire world, and she is known among all the rest of the dyke community as a "cherry-popper." The cherry popper specializes in introducing women to the joys of lesbian sex. And she is cheesy and fucking gross. Do you want to sleep with the Cherry Popper?
No?

Well, then, listen to me.

Drew, the best - the absolute best - advice I can offer someone who wants a great first-time lesbian sex experience is this:

1)Go to a dyke bar. NOT a gay bar - the only girls there will be fag hags. A genuine dyke bar. Look for the cutest, most BOYISHLY cute girl there, walk up to her, and offer to buy her drink. Then, if she accepts, you can have a conversation where you shyly tell her that you're only in town for one night, but have been having all these pervy thoughts about women lately. You'd really like to give it a try. Really. (Cue deep eye contact.) Check to see if she has a girlfriend. Buy her another drink. And then say, "I think you're cute..." and bite your lip. It's just like hitting on boys!

2)If she's into you, she'll be flattered, and lean in to give you a little kiss. Then you can have sex. If she's not into you, she may call you 'darlin' and mumble something about her friends. Either way, don't be worried. Find the next-most-cute-dykey-looking-girl in the bar.

3)Repeat.

Easy peasey.

Now why, Drew, do I recommend finding a BOYISHLY cute girl instead of your feminine fantasy?

Because a boyish-dyke is waaaaaaay more likely to actually be gay. And a gay girl will know her way around your body. (By far the most important factor in your evening.) And she'll be interested in getting another notch on her bedpost. And be unable to say no to a pretty girl who is heavily hitting on her in a bar where all her friends are watching.
Forget any girls in the bar who look like you. These girls are also looking for their 1st-time lesbian experience.
Selfish bitches.

Fairy Tattoo Ideas

Fairy Tattoos
Tattoo Ideas for a fairy tattoo.

Fairies "can be symbols of youthful innocence and a desire to retain a child-like imagination."

Drawings and artwork of fairies can be a great way to get ideas.

Here is a Fairy and Moon tattoo design.

A fairy tattoo with the words "Believe".

Technorati Tags: fairy tattoos, fairies tattoo, tattoos, tattoo designs

Foot tattoos

Foot tattoos is another great way to express your individuality. Body art and foot tattoos have gotten rather popular among the new generations these days. Foot tattoos oftentimes are tattoos for women.
The foot of a woman is considered a sensual area to place a tattoo, as the neck and lower back is. Having a tattoo on the foot has its advantages, they are easy to cover up or conceal if working at a job where sometimes tattoos are off limits. The foot without a doubt is a good place for small tattoos. But the foot also serves as a great place to get a more intricate and detailed design such as flowers with tendril vines,shooting stars with flowing trails of stardust,henna designs, tribal and many other tattoo designs.

Foot design of stars,
hearts,swallow bird and name tattoo.

   

Does foot tattoos hurt?
The foot is very delicate and sensitive area to put a tattoo. The skin surface of the foot is very thin and nearest to the bone. Foot tattoos oftentimes hurt more then other spots of the body. But withstanding the pain is usually bearable because tattoos are usually small and over with quickly. But everyone has their own pain threshold, to some people it may hurt less and to others more.

More Examples of Foot Tattoo Designs

Should you get a foot tattoo, you should be aware that the healing process needs to be attended to more carefully. And know that tattoos on the foot takes longer to heal then other tattoos placed on the body. Try to avoid rubbing the tattoo, wearing shoes could easily scape or irritate the tattoo.
Depending on your style of shoes, it is always best to wear them loosely or open so not to smother the tattoo during the healing process. Infections is a high risk factor if the tattoo is not properly vented so more care needs to be taken.
Also being an area where a lot of friction is involved on a daily basis, tattoos on the foot seems to fade sooner then other tattoos. Be prepared to have your foot tattoo retouched every few years or so to keep it looking fresh and vibrant.
Technorati Tags: foot tattoos, tattoos, tattoo designs