Gallery Tribal Animal Tattoos Design

Gallery Tribal Animal Tattoos Design

Gallery Tribal Animal Tattoos Design

Gallery Tribal Animal Tattoos Design

Cool American Indian Tattoos

Cool American Indian Tattoos

Hot Girl Japanese Tattoo

Hot Girl Japanese Tattoo

Cool Bulldog Tattoo Design

Cool Bulldog Tattoo Design

Dyke Style Update!

Ciao, fags.

It happened like this...

I was waiting in line for breakfast at the Embassy Suites in Pasadena. 

There was a tall, blond businessman ahead of me. 
He ordered an
"Egg Beaters omelette, no cheese, no butter, all veggie.  No meat.  Oh, and no hash browns, either."

As he received his food, I stepped up, held out my tray, and said,

"I don't need an omelette - I just want a giant plate of meat and hash browns, please."

A whole plate with mini-sausages, bacon, and little potatoes! All for me!  I love love love being a grownup. 

Then I blended maple syrup, ketchup, and black pepper into a delicious sauce and drizzled it over the whole mess.

 The blond businessman watched me in envy.

As I reached for the orange juice and coffee, he said, 

"Man, that looks good.  That's what I really want for breakfast.  But my wife would kill me if I ordered that."

I laughed, and without thinking, said,

"Dude, my wife would kill me if she saw this.  But she ain't here, is she?"

Kinda felt like one of the boys, you know?

 The businessman stared at me. 

Silence.

THEN!!!
He looked me up and down, nodded to himself, and muttered,

"Makes sense."

Then he took his tray and left.

YES!!!!!

Recognized as a gay! 
It's a red-letter day. 

When you're a femme and blend in with the straight girls, you have to work really hard to be oppressed. 

I never get recognized as gay unless I'm with my favorite lil' piece, CJ!  Or other gay-lookin' friends. 
Perhaps this is the true reason behind my obsession with lesbians.  If an important part of my identity is being gay, and I only feel like that identity is publicly acknowledged when I'm around other dykes, could it be that my unending search for queers is...only a search for myself??  Ho-lee sheee-it. 

So what gave me away today?  What "made sense" for the businessman?  Why'd it click in his head?

Naturally, I started to analyze my outfit.

• Nothing dykey about my blue dress. 
• Nothing homo about my black leggings. 
• Big hoop earrings - could go either way. 
• Lip ring taken out for work, so no giveaways there.  
• Hair a fucking mess, lip gloss, mascara - what?

Why should Mr. Businessman have said it made sense? 

Then it hit me - maybe it was the boots.

I was wearing some seriously dykey boots. 

Wanna see?

Here they are!

Got 'em yesterday at Macy's.  It was a helluva sale - $42 marked down from $139! 

Another greedy whore lady had her paws all over these boots when it was clear they were too small for her. 

I "helped" her find a more appropriate style and snatched the boots away from her.  Annnndthosearemine,bitch.

Q:  What's so dykey about those?

A:   What!  Only everything.  Boots like these are so gay, they were probably handcrafted in a woman-owned cobbler's shop (that pays a living wage) in Provincetown, using humanely-treated, pasture-raised, grass-fed, vegetable-dyed cow leather. 

Q:  No. Seriously.  What's so gay about them?  They're just motorcycle boots.  Anyone can wear motorcycle boots.

A:  Yes, but there's only a few types of women that wear motorcycle boots.  These women are:

1) Lesbians

2) Harley-Davidson freaks

3) Feminists in college (so lesbians)

4) Germans (and therefore lesbians)

This means that if you are wearing motorcycle boots and not currently on the back of a hog/at Sturgis, you.are.a lesbian.

Get it?  Motorcycle boots are for muffdivers.

In closing, if you remain unconvinced, just ask yourself:

What do these pictures have in common?

Ahahaha I told you so.

Polynesia Tattoo Design Gallery

Polynesia Tattoo Design Gallery

Crazy Bull Tattoo Ideas on Face

Crazy Bull Tattoo Ideas on Face

Lotus Flower Tattoo - Temporary Tattoo Design

Lotus Flower Tattoo - Temporary Tattoo Design

Female Skull Tattoo Design

Skull Tattoo Design for Female

Green Frog Tattoo Design

Green Frog Tattoo Design Ideas

Tribal Flame Tattoo Design

Tribal Flame Tattoo Picture

Cool 3D Spider Tattoo Design

Cool 3D Spider Tattoo Design

Cool 3D Spider Tattoo Design

Cool 3D Spider Tattoo Design

Last Homo Standing

Good morning, homosexuals!

It is a good morning, indeed. 

I'm 27 today, and I'm in one of my favorite cafes in the whole wide world - Dolores Park Cafe, in San Francisco.

This is the best coffeeshop ever because you're not allowed to work here, apparently, if you're not a fucking hot boi with dark hair.

So far I've counted three just working the front counter.
Delicious.

Momma's makin' it raaaaain at the tip jar.

This coffeeshop is surrounded by windows and overlooks Dolores Park, which is a very gay park in San Francisco.

It's filled with fags walking tiny dogs and lesbians under blankets, trying to fuck in the open air without anybody noticing.
(P.S. all you "great-outdoors"-fuckers: everyone knows what's going on.  If your right hand isn't visible, there's only a very few possibilities for where it could be.)

Dykes walk past the big picture windows here all day long, looking cool and slightly high and more than a little dirty. 

I love San Francisco lesbians.  With my crotch. 
And this is the best place in the city to watch them.

I am never happier than when typing away in this coffeeshop, completely juiced on a horrifying combination of:

1) a gigantic soy latte with a tiny (goddammitIsaidtiny) squirt of vanilla

2) Diet Coke

and

3) some kind of bubbly-water-thing.

I like a lot of beverages.

Right now I'm wearing glasses and my best Seriously-Working-Hard-On-My-Incredibly-Important-Work face, but really I'm watching all the queers out of the corner of my eye.

Peripherals.  You gotta use your peripherals.

I'm in San Francisco because San Francisco fucking rules.  It's my favorite city in the USA.  And I can always come here for a cheap vacation, because of The Curse of Krista. 

What's The Curse of Krista, you ask?


Ha!  As if you didn't know, you filthy slut. 
The Curse of Krista is simply this:

(read this in Mufasa-from-The-Lion-King's-voice)


*If you and I sleep together more than 3 times consecutively, you WILL move to San Francisco within the year.*

My curse be upon you!


It never fucking fails. 


I just got an email this week from an ex-fuck-buddy of mine, inviting me to yet another "Goodbye Minneapolis, Hello San Francisco!!" party.

Another one. 

They're dropping like flies.

It is The Curse of Krista. 
I'm going to be the last lesbian left in the Midwest.


But I don't understand something: 
No matter how much I fuck myself, I do not seem to be affected by my own curse.   

The spider does not stick to her own web.

ANYWAY!  it's cheap for me to come here because I can stay with smug women who all have better jobs and cooler apartments than me, now. 
And - weird! - they seem to be doing better without me. 
I know, right?

Crap. 
I wanna move here. 
I wanna be a dyke in San Francisco.
I wanna sit here and stalk the Dolores Cafe baristas forever. 


My friend Ana Luisa always says that  your location doesn't matter - what makes you happy is you, not where you live.

Shut up, Ana.
She's got to be wrong.
I would be so happy here.
The gayness would make me happy.

It's a proven fact that serotonin levels increase according to the amount of dykes surrounding your immediate area.
For serious.