Baby Dyke!!

Next up, we have the Classic Butch’s Kid Brother, the Baby Butch. The Baby Butch gets her own category simply because she is young. Not to be confused with soft butches, bois, or fags, (more on these later) the Baby Butch is well on her way to becoming a full-blown Classic Butch, but she doesn’t know it yet. Baby Butches are extremely young – we’re talking anywhere from 7 to 24 years old. And don’t give me that “how-can-you-tell-she’s-only-a-child” bullshit. We have all seen baby butches in our lives. You know, the little girl down the street who's mistaken for a boy until she hits puberty. Not just a tomboy, the Baby Butch spends a lot of time showing off for the pretty girls in her grade, trying to make them laugh or trying to touch their hair. She knows early on that she likes girls, and will eventually be the one in high school with the word “Dyke” written in permanent marker on the front of her locker. No one will change with her in gym class, and if she doesn’t hate boys and straight girls already, high school will definitely take care of that.

Baby Butches are more likely than other kinds of lesbians to drop out of high school. They often have fucked-up family lives. (But not always! Don't hate!) It’s a pretty good bet that a Baby Butch has been abused in some way, but ain’t that the case for most women? Sometimes they are the only logical person in the family who can work…thus we often see the aforementioned Classic Butches in lower-paying, less highly-skilled jobs.

As Baby Butches age, they develop a sweetness and toughness that many people cannot resist. Baby Butches are the most likely, of all lesbians, to have their hair ruffled by strangers. People call them “kiddo.” They sneak into gay bars, and usually teach themselves to smoke in an effort to be cool. Baby Butches are not fooling anyone. Everybody knows an underage baby butch when she sees one. Sometimes they even still have chubby cheeks. The gay community can be very kind to Baby Butches – good thing, because no one else is. The old butches are affectionate to them because they remember themselves at that age, and the rest of the gays are nice because a Baby Butch is just so damn cute with her fake ID. She may grow up to be plug-ugly, mean, and built like a refrigerator, but for now a baby butch is tender and awkward; grateful for scraps of affection.

YOU KNOW YOUR CRUSH IS A BABY BUTCH IF SHE :

-Has most of the characteristics of a Classic Butch, but is under 24 years old
-Has been living on her own since she was 14
-Scans the room nervously, always keeping an eye on who’s coming and going
-Tries to buy you a drink even though it’s clear she’s 19 and broke
-Constantly looks as though someone might smack her
-Has a leather jacket that doesn’t quite look right (she got it at Goodwill)
-Has a mattress on her floor and almost nothing else
-Is extremely neat
-Positively reeks of men’s aftershave
-Is wearing all men's clothing and it's all too big
-Will do anything for her car
-Answers to “sir” without anger