Morning, tribadists!
It's another beautiful day in Chicago.
And by beautiful, I mean a searing, white-hot sky overhead, a heat index of 104 degrees, and a certain baby rabbit named Midgeon P. Bundlesworth III melting into a bun-puddle on my kitchen floor.
And by beautiful, I mean a searing, white-hot sky overhead, a heat index of 104 degrees, and a certain baby rabbit named Midgeon P. Bundlesworth III melting into a bun-puddle on my kitchen floor.
Poor Midgie.
Bitch is not having it.
Anyway! while I was sweating my tits off this morning, I got a call from The Straightest Girl in the World.
She was tanning in a beach chair in Seattle and wanted to let me know that "having a pool in your apartment building is just so luxurious!"
Isn't that awesome.
Besides bragging, Kelly also wanted to badger me with questions about being gay.
So, because you need something to read while you suck down your iced latte and wait for work to start (I know you went in early for the air-conditioning, you sneaky little bitch)...
Anyway! while I was sweating my tits off this morning, I got a call from The Straightest Girl in the World.
She was tanning in a beach chair in Seattle and wanted to let me know that "having a pool in your apartment building is just so luxurious!"
Besides bragging, Kelly also wanted to badger me with questions about being gay.
So, because you need something to read while you suck down your iced latte and wait for work to start (I know you went in early for the air-conditioning, you sneaky little bitch)...
Um, Kelly Has a Question.
Q: Ok, Krissie, so - usually in a straight couple, the girlfriend ends up still being the person in the relationship who cares more about what the house looks like and does stuff like planning dinner and doing dishes. It kind of falls to her by default. It's really annoying, and I'm not saying it's ok, but I was wondering: What is that like for lesbians? Who does what, chore-wise, when everybody's a girl?
A: Kelly, this is actually a great question! And I hope a toddler craps in your pool.
Who's in charge of which household duties in a lesbian household?
Did you mean, "If everyone is a girl, who does the 'girl' jobs?"
I have a feeling that's your real question.
Well. Let's start.
What's a 'girl' job?
I think we know what classic girl jobs are.
Cooking dinner. Shopping for groceries. Washing dishes. Laundry. Sweeping, mopping, scrubbing. Defrosting the freezer.
Anything that involves wearing rubber gloves, threading needles, or Mr. Clean's Magic Eraser.
And what are classic 'boy' jobs?
Umm, let's see.
Garage stuff. Lawn care. Taking out the garbage. Fixing shit. Anything involving hot coals and hunks of raw beef. Changing lightbulbs, making the toilet work, hauling sofas up the stairs. Killing spiders.
But that's all bullshit now.
You hear me, Kelly? Boool-sheeet.
Men stay home and look after babies.
Women fix the Ford Windstar.
Dudes bake cookies and ladies stop the sink from dripping.
It's 2010, darlin' - it's anyone's guess who the bitch is now.
Yep.
Since this isn't 1954, Kelly, I think the short answer to your question about dyke households is:
The one who does a particular chore is the one who cares more about getting that chore done.
For instance, at my house:
CJ cooks dinner. There are two reasons for this.
1) CJ is a brilliant cook with a penchant for 'hiding' vegetables in recipes so I don't notice them; and
2) I cannot cook, refuse to cook, and, were it left to me, would happily eat Peanut Butter Captain Crunch every night for the rest of my life.
I could care less about cooking and good nutrition. If left to my own devices, I eat like a child.
I'll buy a value pack of something enormous (i.e. a large sack of jasmine rice) and eat it, three meals a day, until it's gone.
Then I'll buy six watermelons and do the same thing.
I do not care.
The goal for me is a full belly - you can do it the hard way and spend hours making Jamaican Pork Stew with Yam, Beans, and Apple Cider-Braised Kale, or you can do it the easy way and buy yourself a fuckload of green grapes and Nutella.
CJ cares more about dinner, so...CJ cooks.
My job is to wash the dishes, which coincidentally, is the chore that CJ hates most.
It's only fair.
Kelly, I will say that when you're dealing with two lesbians, the division of labor seems...fairer than the deal that I've seen some straight relationships cut.
Nobody should have to shop for groceries, cook the meal, and clean up afterwards. That's re-goddamned-diculous.
Lesbians, as a whole (heh) seem to have a firm grip on what is fair when it comes to dividing up the chores.
CJ lifts heavy stuff in our house - not because she's the butch, but because I have the upper-arm strength of a deer fetus.
I have a pathological need to have a bathroom so clean you could eat a snack inside the toilet, so I always clean the bathroom.
CJ cleans out the bunny cage, but I sweep up.
You might be tempted to think that gayelles fall into stereotypical roles - like, whoever is more butch does the 'manly' jobs. And sometimes that's true - I know butch/femme couples where there's a girly-girl who makes dinner in a ruffly apron while the butch dyke hoses out the gutters.
[via closetdiaries]
But the difference between straights and gays, in this instance, is - say it with me! - irony.
It's funny to be all Leave It To Beaver when you're a homosexual - it's like playing house!
It's fun to play at stereotypical gender roles when you're two women that fuck each other on a regular and unholy basis.
[via robotsnhearts]
But not all lesbians are butches or femmes, obvs.
What do two butches in a relationship do about chores?
What would two femmes do?
How would a sporty-dyke and a boi divide household duties?
There are centipedes in every house, Kelly, and those centipedes have to die!!! Who's going to do it? Who's going to fucking do it????
The answer is simple - the one who is less afraid.
[via leahjeane]
Kelly, I would hope (I would fucking hope, in this day and age) that all couples, regardless of sexual orientation, take stock of each person's talents and use them accordingly to divide up chores.
The one that doesn't clean is the one who gets up every morning to let the dog out.
The one that always unclogs the drain gets let off the hook when you find maggots in the flour.
Fair's fair, Kells.
There are clothes to wash and buttons to sew back on.
There's motorcycles to fix and cats who need their claws clipped. Dinner has to be made and DVDs have to get returned - whoever is more bothered and has time is the one who's going to do the chore.
.jpg)
(via hello bum)
Lesbians are not mythical sparkling endangered white pandas from a planet where everyone knows how to cook and the houses smell like french-vanilla candles.
We're women who fuck each other and live together and use the same bathroom.
Just like you, Kelly, we have to negotiate things like whose turn it is to buy Q-tips ("They have to actually be Q-tips, baby, don't buy the off-brand kind like you did last time, unless you want me to have a punctured eardrum") and whose turn it is to deal with the landlord.
Just because we're two girls doesn't mean the apartment is always clean. Just because we're women doesn't mean we have a pie cooling on the counter and the plants don't die.
[via baubauhaus]
There are crusty dishes in every relationship.
Ok?
And Kells? For god's sake, withhold sex if you think you're getting a raw deal.
.jpg)
(by MKestfou)
Duh.
Homos, for Kelly's benefit, let me open this up for discussion:
How do chores work at your house?
A: Kelly, this is actually a great question! And I hope a toddler craps in your pool.
Who's in charge of which household duties in a lesbian household?
Did you mean, "If everyone is a girl, who does the 'girl' jobs?"
I have a feeling that's your real question.
Well. Let's start.
What's a 'girl' job?
I think we know what classic girl jobs are.
Cooking dinner. Shopping for groceries. Washing dishes. Laundry. Sweeping, mopping, scrubbing. Defrosting the freezer.
Anything that involves wearing rubber gloves, threading needles, or Mr. Clean's Magic Eraser.
And what are classic 'boy' jobs?
Garage stuff. Lawn care. Taking out the garbage. Fixing shit. Anything involving hot coals and hunks of raw beef. Changing lightbulbs, making the toilet work, hauling sofas up the stairs. Killing spiders.
But that's all bullshit now.
You hear me, Kelly? Boool-sheeet.
Men stay home and look after babies.
Women fix the Ford Windstar.
Dudes bake cookies and ladies stop the sink from dripping.
It's 2010, darlin' - it's anyone's guess who the bitch is now.
Yep.
Since this isn't 1954, Kelly, I think the short answer to your question about dyke households is:
The one who does a particular chore is the one who cares more about getting that chore done.
For instance, at my house:
CJ cooks dinner. There are two reasons for this.
1) CJ is a brilliant cook with a penchant for 'hiding' vegetables in recipes so I don't notice them; and
2) I cannot cook, refuse to cook, and, were it left to me, would happily eat Peanut Butter Captain Crunch every night for the rest of my life.
I could care less about cooking and good nutrition. If left to my own devices, I eat like a child.
I'll buy a value pack of something enormous (i.e. a large sack of jasmine rice) and eat it, three meals a day, until it's gone.
Then I'll buy six watermelons and do the same thing.
I do not care.
The goal for me is a full belly - you can do it the hard way and spend hours making Jamaican Pork Stew with Yam, Beans, and Apple Cider-Braised Kale, or you can do it the easy way and buy yourself a fuckload of green grapes and Nutella.
My job is to wash the dishes, which coincidentally, is the chore that CJ hates most.
It's only fair.
Kelly, I will say that when you're dealing with two lesbians, the division of labor seems...fairer than the deal that I've seen some straight relationships cut.
Nobody should have to shop for groceries, cook the meal, and clean up afterwards. That's re-goddamned-diculous.
Lesbians, as a whole (heh) seem to have a firm grip on what is fair when it comes to dividing up the chores.
CJ lifts heavy stuff in our house - not because she's the butch, but because I have the upper-arm strength of a deer fetus.
You might be tempted to think that gayelles fall into stereotypical roles - like, whoever is more butch does the 'manly' jobs. And sometimes that's true - I know butch/femme couples where there's a girly-girl who makes dinner in a ruffly apron while the butch dyke hoses out the gutters.
But the difference between straights and gays, in this instance, is - say it with me! - irony.
It's funny to be all Leave It To Beaver when you're a homosexual - it's like playing house!
It's fun to play at stereotypical gender roles when you're two women that fuck each other on a regular and unholy basis.
But not all lesbians are butches or femmes, obvs.
What do two butches in a relationship do about chores?
What would two femmes do?
How would a sporty-dyke and a boi divide household duties?
There are centipedes in every house, Kelly, and those centipedes have to die!!! Who's going to do it? Who's going to fucking do it????
The answer is simple - the one who is less afraid.
Kelly, I would hope (I would fucking hope, in this day and age) that all couples, regardless of sexual orientation, take stock of each person's talents and use them accordingly to divide up chores.
The one that doesn't clean is the one who gets up every morning to let the dog out.
The one that always unclogs the drain gets let off the hook when you find maggots in the flour.
Fair's fair, Kells.
There are clothes to wash and buttons to sew back on.
There's motorcycles to fix and cats who need their claws clipped. Dinner has to be made and DVDs have to get returned - whoever is more bothered and has time is the one who's going to do the chore.
.jpg)
Lesbians are not mythical sparkling endangered white pandas from a planet where everyone knows how to cook and the houses smell like french-vanilla candles.
We're women who fuck each other and live together and use the same bathroom.
Just like you, Kelly, we have to negotiate things like whose turn it is to buy Q-tips ("They have to actually be Q-tips, baby, don't buy the off-brand kind like you did last time, unless you want me to have a punctured eardrum") and whose turn it is to deal with the landlord.
Just because we're two girls doesn't mean the apartment is always clean. Just because we're women doesn't mean we have a pie cooling on the counter and the plants don't die.
There are crusty dishes in every relationship.
Ok?
And Kells? For god's sake, withhold sex if you think you're getting a raw deal.
.jpg)
Duh.
Homos, for Kelly's benefit, let me open this up for discussion:
How do chores work at your house?
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