Storytime!

Once upon a time (okaylastseptember) there was a dyke named Krista.

I lived, at the time, in an apartment that was next door to a private Catholic school. One day, as I was driving home from work in my glamorous Ford Escort hatchback, I saw her: the vision of my high-school Catholic fantasies. She was walking along, her skirt rolled too high, wearing over-the-knee white socks and blowing a pink chewing-gum bubble. She was tall - she had long, honey-colored hair blowing back in the breeze, a sweater falling off one arm, and one of her shoelaces was untied. Adorable.

Knowing, as I do, that all Catholic schoolgirls make out with one another, I did what any suave lesbian would do - I drove around the block again. Stalkers fall in love, too!

There she was again. God, she was perfect! She even walked like a dyke. If only she wasn't sixteen! Aaaagh. Stupid morals-getting-in-the-way.

I drove home, foaming at the mouth. I couldn't wait to tell my roommate, Tawnya, about my discovery: there were hot girls at St. Mark's, and our window looked out onto their playing field! I began picturing long afternoons involving me, Tawnya, chai, and Volleyball Tryouts.

I took another look at the St. Mark's sign as I parked. And that's when I saw it: "St. Mark's - Strengthening Hearts, Minds, and Spirits. Pre-K through 8th."

Pre-K through 8TH GRADE???!!!?? Ohhhhh I was going to Hell. Oh, Jesus. I HAD BEEN FANTASIZING ABOUT A 13-YEAR-OLD!

This just goes to show that not all sex offenders need to register.

I was actually really embarrassed about this whole episode - I refused to even look at St. Mark's for about six months. Tawnya brings this story up at every possible opportunity.

I realize that not everyone has as many problems with "boundaries" as I do, but...Has anyone else ever been tricked? Did you ever go for a baby dyke who snuck into the club with a fake I.D.?

Or are these the warning signs of impending cougar status?