Jason Is Overly Interested.

Morning, all y'all! This is Jason. Don't be alarmed.

Jason is the first straight male I've made friends with in about 3 years. He managed this incredible feat by being unbelievably, breathtakingly crass. Jason shocks me.

He is also the one person I know who can be counted upon to say EXACTLY what he's thinking.

Doesn't have a filter, this boy. If he's thinking it, it's coming out of his mouth at the same time. Now, this can be fun, but it can also make easily-offended folks (read: boring people) upset. Here are some choice, direct quotes from Jason that I overheard at a single party:

1) "You're pretty. And a little fat. But I like that. A tummy is really like a third tit."

2) "Wow. You're not funny. Even at all."

3) "Hey, you DO look like a dude!"

4) "What? I wasn't listening. I was looking at your boobs."


He's a hero of mine.
Anyway! Jason loves this blog, and now he's going to contribute on a regular basis. Jason is going to text me all the filthy straight-boy questions about lesbians he's been trying not to ask, and we're going to read them here on Effing Dykes!

So, Jason Is Overly Interested:

Q: "Krista, when I have sex, it's like 2 to 10 minutes where we're actually doin' it. How do lesbians know when they've had sex?"

A: Jason, that's a really fucking good question. Problem is, I don't actually know the answer - it's all relative. Lots of things lesbians do in bed count as sex. Some girls think that anything you do in bed counts as sex. But, please - where do you draw the line? Kissing? Spooning? Um, no.


Plenty of dykes think you've had sex if fingers enter the vagina at any time. But what if you just touch each other and don't go in? Hmmm.

Another popular definition is "you've had sex if she went down on you." 'Cause lesbians love to eat pussy, right? But that definition is stupid, especially if you're a picky-ass bitch who won't put her mouth anywhere near someone's crotch for the first few fucktimes. (soi'maprudesofuckingsueme. I don't eat pussy until we're in a relationship. It's too personal for hookups.)


The only actual answer I can give you, Jason, is: Lesbians have had sex if they think they did. There's no gold standard, like you straights with your 'dick-up-the-vadge.' Weird, right? And this can be tricky. For example - after getting fingerbanged in a bar bathroom at the age of 18, I was elated. I had finally had lesbian sex!

.........or had I?
Is this not complicated? Every lezzie's definition of sex is different. My definition, for future reference, is: Fingers, oral, or toys - all of it is sex.


And Jason? Even if queer girls don't have cocks, we all still know when sex is finished. And it ain't after no 2 to 10 minutes.

Happy, perv?