Do you know what's embarrassing?
When a Google search pops up suggestions for you automatically.
Because I have a bad memory, I have my work and home computer settings customized to save some of my most recent searches.
This helps me remember what I was last thinking about, because if I get interrupted - say, someone IMs me at work to see if I want to get an iced coffee or CJ starts yelling that the golden finch is back out on the roof again - whatever I was working on is gone forever.
At work, this computer history thing is fine.
I look through a list of recent searches when I come back from getting coffee, and a list pops up that looks like this:
Mythical monsters
hydra
minotaur
is the minotaur good or evil
famous love affairs
Shakespeare's middle name
and I go, "Ohhhh yeah, I was trying to write a joke about well-known mythological Greek romances that ended badly!"
and happily settle down to work. Thanks, Google!
But at home, when I'm looking for pictures for this mess, Google Images just saves my popular searches for each letter typed.
Tonight, I typed the letter "a", intending to search for pictures of the word "androgynous," and the first word that popped up was "androgynous."
I laughed.
Man, does Google know me.
Just to see what I got, I typed "b."
This helps me remember what I was last thinking about, because if I get interrupted - say, someone IMs me at work to see if I want to get an iced coffee or CJ starts yelling that the golden finch is back out on the roof again - whatever I was working on is gone forever.
 |
| [via girlswholikegirls] |
I look through a list of recent searches when I come back from getting coffee, and a list pops up that looks like this:
Mythical monsters
hydra
minotaur
is the minotaur good or evil
famous love affairs
Shakespeare's middle name
and I go, "Ohhhh yeah, I was trying to write a joke about well-known mythological Greek romances that ended badly!"
and happily settle down to work. Thanks, Google!
But at home, when I'm looking for pictures for this mess, Google Images just saves my popular searches for each letter typed.
Tonight, I typed the letter "a", intending to search for pictures of the word "androgynous," and the first word that popped up was "androgynous."
 |
| [by helmut newton] |
Man, does Google know me.
Just to see what I got, I typed "b."
The first suggestion was "butch."
Hmm.
"C" got me "craigslist," and then...
I kid you not, my first fucking suggestion for "d" was "dildos shaped like Virgin Mary."
 |
| [via thelstop.org] |
"C" got me "craigslist," and then...
I kid you not, my first fucking suggestion for "d" was "dildos shaped like Virgin Mary."
You guys, Google thinks I'm a slut.
Anyway! Remember last week, when I told you about my experience gaining a family in the homo community?
Remember when I told you all the things I learned from the queers?
Well, someone named k.i.g had a question.
K.i.g., who has Asperger's Syndrome, an autism spectrum disorder, noticed that I said I learned about what drama meant in the queer community.
K.i.g. wrote to me hoping for a clear definition of drama.
A way to categorize and file the word 'drama' away, so k.i.g. could clearly identify drama and avoid it in a social setting.
I'd love to, k.i.g.!
AHAHAHAHAHA but that's not how drama works.
You can't just file away drama! You can't just neatly categorize drama!
Drama categorizes you!
That's what we're talking about here today, sluts.
Today we have a momentous undertaking.
We're going to try to define drama.
What is drama?
Well.
A sneaky bitch, drama remains an incredibly vague, nebulous word, at once encompassing the smallest details of life while simultaneously covering vast, overarching portions of social interactions.
Everyone has drama.
Queers, straights - everyone.
But 'drama' is a word tossed around by the queer community, especially the lesbian community, so often that it's become shorthand.
Completely overused.
Let's use the shorthand in a sentence!
Example!
"Hey, what's up with Nicole? I just saw her crying outside."
"Oh, you know. Drama with Alexis."
Boom! 'Nuff said.
What's up with Nicole?
Drama.
That's what.
Drama can be tiny.
"Dude, and then she was dancing up on me, and I was like, 'I already told you I wasn't into you!'"
Drama can be middling and annoying.
"Manny won't stop texting me. Jesus."
Drama can be big.
"I can't believe you're doing this to me right now, Sasha! I just can't believe you...shit, now I'm crying! I'm at work, you always pull this shit when I'm at work!"
Drama can be huge.
"I can't break up with her because I think she might do something..."
Drama is everything to everyone, but especially lesbians.
'Cause, you know, we all, um, have a lot of feelings.
Heh.
Classically, women are portrayed as the communicators in a relationship.
We share. We analyze. We share some more.
We're taught to be open about our feelings!
So what happens when you get two communicators in a relationship together?
You're looking at "The State of Our Relationship" talks that last far into the night.
But not all women, and certainly not all lesbians are like this.
Some girls, like me, don't wanna talk about the relationship. Ever.
I would actually rather gnaw off my own pinkies.
But usually, at least one person in the relationship has a lot of feelings.
And my god, does she want to share.
The feelings must get processed.
The feelings have to go somewhere, goddammit, and a goddamn journal sure as hell ain't gonna do it!!!
Enter drama.
Really, what is it?
Drama is something or someone in your personal life that is totally interfering with your regular life.
Drama is your phone blowing up.
Drama is screaming fights in public.
Drama is all your friends having to choose sides in a war between you and your ex.
Shall I go on?
Drama on the phone.
Drama coming by the office.
Old lovers who are now friends but still vaguely attractive, somehow.
Women who wanna date your girlfriend.
Dykes who can't take a hint.
Lesbians with an obsessive crush.
Gayelles who date their friends, dykes who sleep with their roommates, open relationships, coffee dates with ex-fuck buddies, girls who say mean shit and drop names.
In every city, the lesbian community ain't that big.
Like malaria, drama usually gets its start in a swampy, hot, over-humid society - too much bad air and unhealthy stagnant water.
Too many dykes that know each other.
Not a fresh breath for miles.
I wanted to help k.i.g. pin down drama, though.
I wanted to do it in one perfect, pithy sentence.
But I couldn't do it alone!
This was enormous!
I hadn't even eaten breakfast yet!
So I sent out a mass text to all the lesbians in my phone book.
It said:
Hello! If you're getting this annoying mass text, it's because you're a queer. Can you define the word "drama" in one sentence for me? Any help would be appreciated, thaaaaanks!
I also posted this on facebook, asking dykes to message me.
Holeeeee sheeee-it, I was not prepared for the flood of drama definitions that suddenly hit my phone.
A flood!
Tons of replies! Here was a topic everyone had some experience in!
Some of the replies were really fucking graphic.
Some were really sad.
And some made me laugh because I knew, um, who they were about.
Here's just a tiny sliver of what lesbians sent me:
Drama is knowing that you're right and wanting to make sure that everyone knows it.
Drama is getting shunned by the dyke community because you cheated on your girlfriend and somehow everyone knows.
Drama is having a great night at home, staying in, then waking up with a phone full of sobbing drunk "why won't you be with me?" voicemails and your inbox jammed with 47 text messages.
Drama is having all exits to the building blocked by exes.
Drama is giving your girlfriend your 'universal' secret password to everything - i.e. ATM, facebook, email, etc. - then breaking up badly.
Drama is changing your phone number six times in one year.
Drama is fucking your 'straight' roommate while you're both drunk, then having to move out because it's so uncomfortable.
Drama is a fistfight. On the dance floor. On your birthday.
Drama is breaking up and continuing to live together because of the lease.
Drama is dividing up favorite hangouts during a breakup, then one person deciding "fuckit, there's only a couple of dyke hangouts in town."
Drama is combining your finances with someone you haven't known for more than five years.
Drama is your ex calling you up while screaming, crying, and cutting herself while you're on a date with somebody new.
Sorry, too dark?
Sluts, I chose these from more than 200 responses.
Wheeeeee juuuuust another day in the life of dyke drama!
I'm not sure why lesbians like drama so much.
All relationships involve some drama, but lesbians take it to a whole new level.
After dating women for eight years or so, and participating in some uncomfortably serious drama myself, I've learned a few key things about drama:
1) A little dyke drama is inevitable.
Comes with the territory.
2) There are warning signs to help you avoid this shit.
My personal red flag is:
When on a first date, if a woman tells you, "I don't like drama," then it's a pretty good bet that she's. into. drama.
If a girl puts "I don't like drama" right on her Facebook page, right on her Okcupid profile, or right on her Craigslist ad, then guess what?
She's a magnet for drama.
She's seen enough drama to last her a lifetime.
'Cause why would she feel the need to state, up-front, how much she hates drama?
She's been engaging in it.
She may not like it, she may hate it, but she actively participates in it.
But - it's not her fault, right?
Some people just seem to attract drama!
Um.
Sometimes yes, sometimes no.
Y'allfags, we all have chronically dramatic friends.
So many dykes shrug their shoulders and go, "I hate drama, it just seems to happen to me, though."
And you know what?
No.
Things don't just "happen" to us.
An original problem may crop up and happen to us, but WE MAKE AN ACTIVE CHOICE whether or not to participate.
Example!
Original Problem:
A girl is in obsessive love with you.
You went out on a bunch of dates, but in the end, you don't want to be with her.
She doesn't understand how she could be so in love with you without you feeling the same way.
She texts you 103 times.
Calls you 61 times in one day.
It's driving you insane.
Drama Escalator, or, How To Make Things A Helluva Lot Worse:
Exhausted and furious, you finally give in and answer the damn phone.
But! only to yell at her and say "Stop calling me, I never want to talk to you again, get it through your head!"
But...what did you just do?
You answered the phone.
You say you don't want to talk to her, but what are you doing?
YOU'RE TALKING TO HER.
All this teaches her is that it costs 61 phone calls to finally hear the melodious sound of your voice.
She will keep doing it.
And it's going to get worse.
Drama DEscalator, or, How To Make Things Way Less Interesting:
Put your phone on silent, or change the ring to a special one for the obsessor.
Just don't answer.
Ever.
For any reason.
She cannot keep calling you 61 times a day.
At some point, she has got to eat.
Block her on Facebook, ignore her completely, avoid places you know she hangs out.
If you're bugged enough, change your phone number.
It's a hassle, and it's not fair, and you shouldn't have to do it, but it's not as much of a hassle as having your phone ring thousands of times a day for months on end.
**OmigodsoapboxtimeIcanfeelitcomingon!!!**
Folks, The Gift of Fear taught me this: if someone is obsessing about you, or can't take a hint, or calling/texting you a hundred times a day, or showing up at your job, or spreading rumors about you, or just basically engaging in stalkerish, fucked-up behaviors with you, it is not because there is something particularly amazing about you.
You're special, wonderful, and hot, but - no offense? - this is not about you being sooo special/wonderful/hot.
If someone is obsessing, really fucking obsessing over you, it is because there's something wrong with them.
Not being able to take social cues, not listening when you say you're not interested...these are clues.
Not clues that you're so amazing that people want to stalk you.
No.
These are clues that there's something off about your obsessor.
Faggettes, do not be flattered that someone thinks you're worthy of stalking.
Run the other way.
Now, drama does happen to innocent people.
This I know.
But you can choose what you do with the situation.
What's your definition of drama?
 |
| [via loftytales] |
Remember when I told you all the things I learned from the queers?
Well, someone named k.i.g had a question.
K.i.g., who has Asperger's Syndrome, an autism spectrum disorder, noticed that I said I learned about what drama meant in the queer community.
K.i.g. wrote to me hoping for a clear definition of drama.
A way to categorize and file the word 'drama' away, so k.i.g. could clearly identify drama and avoid it in a social setting.
I'd love to, k.i.g.!
 |
| (via rachel louise.) |
AHAHAHAHAHA but that's not how drama works.
You can't just file away drama! You can't just neatly categorize drama!
Drama categorizes you!
That's what we're talking about here today, sluts.
Today we have a momentous undertaking.
We're going to try to define drama.
What is drama?
Well.
A sneaky bitch, drama remains an incredibly vague, nebulous word, at once encompassing the smallest details of life while simultaneously covering vast, overarching portions of social interactions.
Everyone has drama.
Queers, straights - everyone.
But 'drama' is a word tossed around by the queer community, especially the lesbian community, so often that it's become shorthand.
Completely overused.
 |
| [via tinyambitions] |
Example!
"Hey, what's up with Nicole? I just saw her crying outside."
"Oh, you know. Drama with Alexis."
Boom! 'Nuff said.
What's up with Nicole?
Drama.
That's what.
Drama can be tiny.
"Dude, and then she was dancing up on me, and I was like, 'I already told you I wasn't into you!'"
Drama can be middling and annoying.
"Manny won't stop texting me. Jesus."
Drama can be big.
"I can't believe you're doing this to me right now, Sasha! I just can't believe you...shit, now I'm crying! I'm at work, you always pull this shit when I'm at work!"
Drama can be huge.
"I can't break up with her because I think she might do something..."
 |
| [via ohcardigan] |
Drama is everything to everyone, but especially lesbians.
'Cause, you know, we all, um, have a lot of feelings.
 |
| [via lesfemmes] |
Classically, women are portrayed as the communicators in a relationship.
We share. We analyze. We share some more.
We're taught to be open about our feelings!
 |
| [via hellogirls] |
You're looking at "The State of Our Relationship" talks that last far into the night.
But not all women, and certainly not all lesbians are like this.
Some girls, like me, don't wanna talk about the relationship. Ever.
I would actually rather gnaw off my own pinkies.
But usually, at least one person in the relationship has a lot of feelings.
 |
| [via petalspuppet] |
The feelings must get processed.
The feelings have to go somewhere, goddammit, and a goddamn journal sure as hell ain't gonna do it!!!
 |
| [by elnettlung] |
Really, what is it?
Drama is something or someone in your personal life that is totally interfering with your regular life.
 |
| [via daytripper15] |
Drama is screaming fights in public.
Drama is all your friends having to choose sides in a war between you and your ex.
Shall I go on?
 |
| [via wallofbooks] |
Drama coming by the office.
Old lovers who are now friends but still vaguely attractive, somehow.
Women who wanna date your girlfriend.
Dykes who can't take a hint.
Lesbians with an obsessive crush.
Gayelles who date their friends, dykes who sleep with their roommates, open relationships, coffee dates with ex-fuck buddies, girls who say mean shit and drop names.
 |
| [via rotmienciso] |
Like malaria, drama usually gets its start in a swampy, hot, over-humid society - too much bad air and unhealthy stagnant water.
Too many dykes that know each other.
Not a fresh breath for miles.
I wanted to help k.i.g. pin down drama, though.
I wanted to do it in one perfect, pithy sentence.
This was enormous!
I hadn't even eaten breakfast yet!
So I sent out a mass text to all the lesbians in my phone book.
It said:
Hello! If you're getting this annoying mass text, it's because you're a queer. Can you define the word "drama" in one sentence for me? Any help would be appreciated, thaaaaanks!
I also posted this on facebook, asking dykes to message me.
 |
| [via ohcardigan] |
A flood!
Tons of replies! Here was a topic everyone had some experience in!
Some of the replies were really fucking graphic.
Some were really sad.
And some made me laugh because I knew, um, who they were about.
 |
| [thanks j.l.] |
Here's just a tiny sliver of what lesbians sent me:
Drama is knowing that you're right and wanting to make sure that everyone knows it.
Drama is getting shunned by the dyke community because you cheated on your girlfriend and somehow everyone knows.
Drama is having a great night at home, staying in, then waking up with a phone full of sobbing drunk "why won't you be with me?" voicemails and your inbox jammed with 47 text messages.
Drama is having all exits to the building blocked by exes.
Drama is giving your girlfriend your 'universal' secret password to everything - i.e. ATM, facebook, email, etc. - then breaking up badly.
Drama is changing your phone number six times in one year.
Drama is fucking your 'straight' roommate while you're both drunk, then having to move out because it's so uncomfortable.
Drama is a fistfight. On the dance floor. On your birthday.
Drama is breaking up and continuing to live together because of the lease.
Drama is dividing up favorite hangouts during a breakup, then one person deciding "fuckit, there's only a couple of dyke hangouts in town."
Drama is combining your finances with someone you haven't known for more than five years.
Drama is your ex calling you up while screaming, crying, and cutting herself while you're on a date with somebody new.
Sorry, too dark?
Sluts, I chose these from more than 200 responses.
 |
| [via lesfemmes] |
I'm not sure why lesbians like drama so much.
All relationships involve some drama, but lesbians take it to a whole new level.
 |
| (via lyona) |
1) A little dyke drama is inevitable.
Comes with the territory.
2) There are warning signs to help you avoid this shit.
When on a first date, if a woman tells you, "I don't like drama," then it's a pretty good bet that she's. into. drama.
If a girl puts "I don't like drama" right on her Facebook page, right on her Okcupid profile, or right on her Craigslist ad, then guess what?
She's a magnet for drama.
 |
| (by roblsenior) |
'Cause why would she feel the need to state, up-front, how much she hates drama?
She's been engaging in it.
She may not like it, she may hate it, but she actively participates in it.
But - it's not her fault, right?
Some people just seem to attract drama!
Um.
Sometimes yes, sometimes no.
Y'allfags, we all have chronically dramatic friends.
So many dykes shrug their shoulders and go, "I hate drama, it just seems to happen to me, though."
 |
| [via alexshark] |
No.
Things don't just "happen" to us.
An original problem may crop up and happen to us, but WE MAKE AN ACTIVE CHOICE whether or not to participate.
 |
| [via cellinarovella] |
Original Problem:
A girl is in obsessive love with you.
You went out on a bunch of dates, but in the end, you don't want to be with her.
She doesn't understand how she could be so in love with you without you feeling the same way.
She texts you 103 times.
Calls you 61 times in one day.
It's driving you insane.
 |
| [via stepymay] |
Drama Escalator, or, How To Make Things A Helluva Lot Worse:
Exhausted and furious, you finally give in and answer the damn phone.
But! only to yell at her and say "Stop calling me, I never want to talk to you again, get it through your head!"
But...what did you just do?
You answered the phone.
You say you don't want to talk to her, but what are you doing?
YOU'RE TALKING TO HER.
All this teaches her is that it costs 61 phone calls to finally hear the melodious sound of your voice.
She will keep doing it.
And it's going to get worse.
Drama DEscalator, or, How To Make Things Way Less Interesting:
Put your phone on silent, or change the ring to a special one for the obsessor.
Just don't answer.
Ever.
For any reason.
 |
| [via namasteshane] |
At some point, she has got to eat.
Block her on Facebook, ignore her completely, avoid places you know she hangs out.
If you're bugged enough, change your phone number.
It's a hassle, and it's not fair, and you shouldn't have to do it, but it's not as much of a hassle as having your phone ring thousands of times a day for months on end.
 |
| (via ysa pérez) |
**OmigodsoapboxtimeIcanfeelitcomingon!!!**
Folks, The Gift of Fear taught me this: if someone is obsessing about you, or can't take a hint, or calling/texting you a hundred times a day, or showing up at your job, or spreading rumors about you, or just basically engaging in stalkerish, fucked-up behaviors with you, it is not because there is something particularly amazing about you.
If someone is obsessing, really fucking obsessing over you, it is because there's something wrong with them.
 |
| [via int3rnationalquich3] |
Not clues that you're so amazing that people want to stalk you.
 |
| [via itspinupbaby] |
These are clues that there's something off about your obsessor.
Faggettes, do not be flattered that someone thinks you're worthy of stalking.
Run the other way.
Now, drama does happen to innocent people.
This I know.
But you can choose what you do with the situation.
 |
| [via basiumis] |
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