Colors Tattoo Word: Take Your Mama Out All Night

[via thievesinlaw]

No. Noooooo. No.

Just when you thought you were safe, 'cause I live in Chicago now and he lives in Seattle....

Jason Is Overly Interested.

Q: Ok, so Krista, when I watch lesbian porn, there's usually a scene where the two girls do some scissoring. But you've told me a million times that sex with the ladies doesn't look anything like porn sex.
So while I was watching the scissoring happen on the movie, I started wondering...do lesbians actually do that? Do girls scissor?
'Cause it must be kinda awkward. Don't get me wrong, I very much want the answer to be yes, here.

A: Christ, it's early. Haven't even had coffee yet. Calling me at 8 in the freakin' morning. Who does that?

Never talk about scissoring before noon, that's what I say.

Hell, it's noon somewhere.

Jason, you have a valid question, here. You want to know about scissoring.

Homos, here at Effing Dykes, I get a fair amount of mail. (Write to me! effingdykes@gmail.com and p.s. I like pictures.)

I try to answer most of it, but sometimes it takes me a real long time.

However! certain topics just seem to keep popping up.

Like scissoring.

This is about the 30th question I've had from someone about scissoring within the last few months.

And guess what?

Every single person who's asked me about scissoring has been male.

Shocker, that.

But you know what? Let's do it. Let's talk about scissoring.
Put this thing to bed.

So, first of all, what is scissoring?

What does it mean 'to scissor'?

Wikianswers has the answer!

"The term scissor, which is often used as verb (scissoring), is a sex position between lesbians. It is generally shown as two partners interlocking their legs with their heads 180 degrees apart while their vaginas are touching. In practice, the torsos of the women are often closer together, to the point of being close enough to kiss."

Thanks, Wikianswers!

(by joran van der sloot///)

Just to be sure of my definition of scissoring, I asked Cory, the homeless man who comes around the bakery, about it.

Me: (handing over bribe of hot peanut butter cookie) Hey, Cory, can I ask you something?

Cory: Shoot, honeybuns.

Me: What do you think the term "scissoring" means?"

Cory: (guffaws) Scissoring! You at work! Get you fired!

Me: C'mon.

Cory: Ok. Scissoring is when, like, two women are fucking - excuse me, making love - and they, like, rub their coochies together. Like, grind on each other and shit. All nasty.

Awesome.

Now we're all on the same page.
Scissoring is when two women press their genitals together and rub for sexual satisfaction.

Looks like this:

Now, Jason, believe it or not, I don't watch a lot of porn.
Like, almost never.
It's not because I'm against porn; I'm heavily, heavily pro-porn. I have no problem with porn. Go porn!

I just wish I liked it.
Porn does almost nothing for me. It's kind of a tragedy.

So I haven't seen assloads of porn.
But I have seen porn where two women scissor one another. And I went, "Really?"

[via lesfemmes]

Apparently, people think lesbians do this on a regular basis.

I hate to break it to you, Jason, but in all my years of experience, and having had a few *ahem* sexual partners...I've scissored with a woman exactly 3 times.

The first time, it was a joke.
My girlfriend-at-the-time and I had just watched our first porn with scissoring. I said, "We have to try this. Maybe we're missing out on something good!" and we scissored.

We got naked, got on the bed, and, giggling the whole time, awkwardly got ourselves in position. Then we tried to grind.

I laughed so hard I fell off the bed.
Nothing happened.

[via hellogirls]

Fast-forward a few years.
I'm older and more experienced. I see another porn and go, "Oh, yeah, scissoring!"
I tried it with a new girlfriend. Gave it the ol' college try.

I mean, we really. tried. to get off.

It was ridiculous.
We gave up and fucked like normal lesbians.

[via b0ne]

The third time I tried scissoring, it was because Tawnya got this phenomenal Victorian sex-positions pop-up book for her birthday.

There was a lithograph of two women scissoring, and as I stared at the page, I said, "Jesus. Apparently women have been doing this for hundreds of years - maybe thousands! This is history! I'm a shitty lesbian. I really should try harder."

So I attacked CJ and forced her to scissor me.

Me: (panting) Anything?

CJ: No. Keep trying. Press down harder.

Me: I'm thirsty.

Nothing gratifying has ever happened to me while scissoring.

(by Parker Fitzgerald)

It's not something I even think about.
Ever.

And I since I sometimes sleep around a little bit *coughcough*, and no lesbian has ever tried to scissor me (or brought it up, or even joked about it)...I tend to think scissoring is pretty much something that only women in porn do, for male audiences.

Maybe because male audiences miiiiight have a problem understanding sex when both sets of genitals aren't touching at all times.

Maybe scissoring makes sense to men because, well, what are the lesbians doing?
They're pushing their crotches together. 'As if ' they were having sex.

[via nataliedee.com]

Don't get me wrong - I know a couple dykes who say they've scissored with successful results.
But even they say it's not worth the effort involved.

A novelty, at best.