DYKE STYLE UPDATE!!

Hypothetical Situation:

The apartment next to you has been vacant for weeks. Today, as you come home from work, SHE is hauling boxes up the stairs. Your hot, sweating, thin-tank-top-wearing, hair-falling-out-of-her-ponytail-and-brushing-fetchingly-against-her-neck, GORGEOUS new neighbor. Thank you, Lord Ganesh.
She seems unaware that her shirt is slightly see-through. She smiles at you.

A muscled, cheerful man is helping her move in. (Fuck.)

Let's see what we're working with.


She has: shoulder-length hair, tiiiiight jeans, mascara, keys carabiner-clipped to her belt loop, a probable boyfriend, an leather satchel, one of those stupid headband-elastic things, and baby-blue New Balance sneakers on.

What is she?

Solution: Please. Quit insulting me! This is too easy - use your eyes! Girlfriend is wearing a carabiner!

Carabiners (below) are the exclusive property of dykes.

We love them because they're handy, seem like tools, and we think they make us look like this:
Which they don't. But it doesn't matter, because any girl wearing her keys on a carabiner (so they bang against her leg) might as well be wearing Homo Jingle Bells.
Fa la la la lez!