Rabidly Political Dykes

Soooooo, sometimes you care about a political cause. Like Obama. Or gay rights. Or saving the manatees. Foreign languages in schools. The over-use of fur in fashion magazines. Or, um, sharing the road with bicycles. Preservative-free food for babies. Breastfeeding and pandas. Whatever. Everybody cares about something. Rabidly political dykes, however, care about everything.

These girls can be found in their natural habitat – the protest rally. Or the meeting to organize a protest rally. Easily identifiable by their beater cars (or bikes) with more than 5 unrelated bumper stickers, rabidly political dykes hate and love to be oppressed.

This category can cross over onto any of the already-mentioned lesbian categories. If you’re unsure whether your crush is a rabidly political dyke, there are ways to be certain.

1) It's 8 a.m. You say, “Good morning.” She says, “Did you read that piece of trash from Ann Coulter in the NY Times today???!! What a righteous cunt!”

2) Around the water cooler, you say, “Wasn't The Office sooo funny last night?” She says, “I don’t have a TV," in smug-bitch voice.

3) You're going to have sex! You say, “Do you like Barry White?” She says, “Did you know All Things Considered is on?”

4) Your dream date: Ellen. Funny and cute. Ok-or-Angelina Jolie-but-only-in-Tomb-Raider-and-only-if-she-wears-the-outfit.Her dream date: Rachel Maddow. A smart democrat and she's not ugly.

5) Your best impression: Scooby Doo.
Her best impression: Sarah Palin denying knowledge of the Axis of Evil.

Good things about rabidly political dykes:

They always take your side if you’re sleeping with them. They’re easy to shop for, since they’re secretly attracted to expensive yuppie things. They have rich parents. They travel to fun places to protest, like Washington D.C. They can always score weed. They always know which speaking events will have an open bar. They have lots of cool friends in lots of places, and you can stay with them for free. They have the best smartass t-shirts. They are really fucking sexy when debating, and they sometimes wear hot glasses. They’re in great shape from all that marching. They win every argument.

Bad things about rabidly political dykes:

VEGANS. They feel they don’t have to shave anything, and that includes bush. They say irritating things like, “Is this biodegradable?” and “Don’t eat that. It has like 30 chemicals in it.” You can’t bring one home to your parents because she and your dad will start World War III. They’re poor. They have toilet paper in their house that costs 6 bucks a roll and disintegrates in your hand. They can’t appreciate strippers. They have more than one cat. They get pissed if you use the word "retarded". They won’t go see the new Beyonce movie. They have weird, nagging ‘inspirational’ wall hangings that say things like, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” There are Tibetan prayer flags somewhere in the house. They win every argument.