Colors Tattoo Word: One of These Things Is Not Like the Other

[via womenreading]

¡Hola lesbianas!

Thanks for waiting for my slow ass.

[via urbanpunx]

My mom is gone.

I rode the train with her to the airport at 3:45 in the morning to catch her 6:30 a.m. flight.

After I dropped her at her gate and got back on the train, I was cranky, exhausted, and really, really ready to snap.

It was 5 in the morning on the packed Blue Line train back into the city.

I scowled as the grey underground flashed by, thinking of all the ways the visit could have gone better.

It was a good trip, especially for us...but I should have tried harder.

I should have had answers ready when fucked-up things were said.

I should be better at this by now.

I shouldn't feel so much like a furious teenager.

Should've, should've, should've.

(by Irwin Barbé)

The man sitting next to me stirred from under his hood.

Studied my ashen face.

He drew a paper bag out of his canvas coat and extended it towards me.

"You look like you could use a drink," he said.

(via emmana)

The man was a clairvoyant.

I looked in the battered paper bag.
It was vodka.

"Got strawberries, too," he said, randomly producing a plastic container of fat red berries from a backpack.

His hands were torn up, and his nails were filthy.

He popped a strawberry into his mouth, took a swig of vodka, winked, and passed it to me.

5 a.m., folks.

We can talk about Mom's visit some other time, but all y'allfags really need to know is:

I definitely took that drink.

[via beartrapper]

But! Speaking at Yale was pretty much the funnest ever.

Apparently, Yale is known as the Gay Ivy.

Holy, holy shit, you guys.

[hahahaha thanks Mariana]

I was sitting at this coffee shop called the Book Trader getting fucking whiplash from watching all the adorable queers mincing off to class.

I met the women's rugby team.

I can basically die happy now.

[thanks Yalemosexuals]

*Fun Fact!*There's a set of Australian twins on the team.

Um.

I met tons of queer kids.

Bois, boys, femmes, sporty dykes, transmen, lil' fags, smarty pants grad student queers in Divinity school, you name it.

All using $10 words where a $1 word would have sufficed, while drunk, over beers after the reading.

If you happen to be clever, able to afford it, or at least able to get your claws on a scholarship...jesus christ, go to Yale.

I had a blast.

The faggotry!

Now.

It's a good thing we've all had time to rest our brains a bit, 'cause it's time for a...

DYKE STYLE UPDATE!!!!!

OMG OMG OMG.

It's finally Spring, faggettes.

What does Spring mean?

Spring means all the lezzers take off their sweatpants, press "Pause" on the scratched-up DVD of Elizabeth, and start winding fresh grip tape onto their bike handlebars.

[via hellofromwhereyouwanttobe]

Spring means heads get buzzed. Summer haircuts get clipped into place.

A new six-pack of white ribbed tank tops gets tossed in the shopping cart.

We start to see grinning dykes carrying bags of charcoal on their shoulders, wending their way to backyard BBQ parties.

[via findingcharlie]

Hats come off.

Suddenly, the bundled up, goose-down blob of huddled human misery that walks a pit bull outside your window each morning molts into an adorable baby dyke who smirks and says, "He won't bite, will ya, Chaz?" when you bump into her on the sidewalk.

[via fuckyeahlezbians]

Girls put on sundresses.

The wind caresses bare legs and shy toes peep out of flip-flops, blinking in the sudden sun.

[via imjust-me]

Motherfuckin' Spring!

We need to be ready.

Spring is mating season.

Everyone's happy, everyone's getting enough vitamin D, and everyone's ready to shed layers and layers of clothing.

Perfect.

[ viasingintoyourear]

But sometimes, despite all our efforts, it's still really hard to tell who's gay.

Sometimes, we need more clues than just simple, imperfect gaydar giveaways, like "fedoras" or "studded belts."

[via fuckyeahftmsofcolor]

We need a generality.

Something a liiiiiitle more all-encompassing, to help us ease back into warm weather dyke-watching.

That's where asymmetry comes in.

A whole category to chew on!

Asymmetry, in case you failed math, means a lack of symmetry.

And symmetry is when things look the same on both sides.

What does this have to do with dykes?

Fucking plenty.

[via inkdgirls]

Lesbians like asymmetry.

Astute reader Sara W. asked if I'd ever noticed this, and I actually dropped my phone on the bus in shock, horrified that we'd never talked about this unique carpet-munching phenomenon!

Asymmetry. An unbalanced, uneven look.

A.k.a. an easy, finger-lickin' good way to suss out homosexuelles.

[via suicidegirls]

Let's talk asymmetry.

Lesbians have loved asymmetry since matriarchal societies were rocking the cradle of civilization.

Amazon warriors were rumored to live exclusively with other women, only sleeping with male sex slaves once or twice a year to prevent the dying-off of their tribes.

Cool.

They couldn't only have been having sex a couple of times a year, because that would suck, so my entirely scientific hypothesis is that Amazons must have been having lots of glorious dyke sex with each other.

The first lesbian separatists.

Anyway! Stop thinking about sweaty hot Amazonian sex.
No!

The point of this is that Amazons reportedly cut or burned off their right breasts in order to be more proficient with their bows and spears.

The dawn of asymmetry.

Trend-setters!

Asymmetry, as you can see from this totally accurate representation of obviously lesbian Amazonian women, has been with us, as a people, for a long-ass time.

And it just don't die.

Lesbians have upheld the fine tradition of asymmetrical style ever since.

Nowadays, first and foremost, there's hair.

[via wehearthair]

Dykes, with their dyke haircuts, absolutely. love. to have hair that's longer on one side than it is on the other.

[by Kay]

It started with the unfortunate bi-level haircut, which terrorized the 80's and 90's:

and then swept across lesbian populations like wildfire, giving us this:

[via modelmayhem]

and this:

[via shesbackthesuicidalmaniac]

and this:

[via poorsara]

Hair that's not the same on both sides.

Asymmetrical hair.

[tender forever]

Next up, we have the always-popular, never gonna die belt buckle on the side.

[Shannon Blowtorch]

Always a style option for the bois, who love belts with an unholy love, the side belt buckle offers a...

***OMFG RARE FEMME-SPOTTING TIP!!!***

This is something that lots of femmes do.

Buckle their belts on the side of the hip.

[michelle g.]

I very rarely see straight girls do this, and I'm not entirely sure why.

Sluts, when I was a baby dyke having gaydar troubles of my own, this is actually the first thing Tawnya told me to watch out for when searching for 'mos.

[via newskinn]

I can't believe I never shared.
Selfishness!

The side belt buckle.

So asymmetrical.
So gay.

But there's more.

What about side lip piercings?

Lip piercings, as we've already talked about, are a lovely, easy indication that somebody's got a serious oral fixation.

[queerbrownxx]

Add an asymmetrical side placement of a lip piercing, and gaydar points go through the damn roof.

(via diaphram)

You see a side lip piercing on a girl, there's something going on with her.

And that "something" is usually a love for labia.

[via veganomoly]

What about that old throwback: the one earring?

Lesbians love to wear just one earring.

Whether it's a stud wearing a stud earring, your women's studies professor with a strange, expensively-beaded ear bauble, or an arty chick wearing one long, dangly feather...we dykes use our ears to do our filthy advertisement work.

One earring = lesbian.

(via dodenakker)

Or at least artistic and bi-curious.
We can work with that.

I could go on.
Bike messenger bags. Wallet chains.

[via solokidd]

Always with one thing drawing the eye; upsetting the balance.

Sooo...what's up with this?

Well.
I dunno.
But here's my theory:

Human brains naturally want things to look symmetrical.

Very few things in nature are not symmetrical - think trees, plants, snowflakes, animal markings, human limbs.

Nature wants to be in balance.

That's why asymmetry is seen as deviant.

Asymmetry stands out.

And who is deviant? Who stands out?

How 'bout...queers?

[via omfglauraa]

Across the board, every culture in the world finds symmetry beautiful and asymmetry startling.

Our genes urge us to find mates with symmetrical features, so we can continue passing on genes with symmetrically-formed carriers who will be a good bet for passing on their genes.

But while I was breaking my brain open, trying to figure out why dykes like asymmetry so much, CJ just laughed and said that if your sex isn't about reproduction, it doesn't matter if your mate is symmetrical.

My god.

The brains on that girl.

CJ's right!

We're advertising!
We're fucking advertising!

[viakatey-pants]

We want to stand out from the straight gene pool; to advertise with our hair and belt buckles and lip piercings:

"Attention ladies: You won't be having reproductive sex with me."