But Mr. Hall, I Was Surfing the Crimson Wave!

Shit.

For a long time, I thought I was carrying the Christ child in my uterus.

I haven't had my period in two years.

Well, today I got it. Fuuuuuuuck. For a split second,I wondered if I was hemorrhaging.

I literally had no idea what was happening.

To make a long story short, my period was all effed because I donated my eggs six times in a row to pay for college.

Quick answers to your Egg Donation Questions:

1) No it didn't hurt.

2) Yes I'm okay with having children in the world with my genes.

3) $5000 each time. Six cycles x $5000 = College Education.



It turned out that the real payback for donating eggs was that my period just...kinda...vanished. The Crotch Doc said it was fine, and that it would come back in its own due time. Or maybe never at all. Since I don't want kids, um, EVERINAMILLIONFUCKINGYEARS, think how wonderful my life was! No period, even at all! No cramps, no expensive fucking tampons, no PMS, no bleeding through my favorite Seduction Underpants. It was like being a dude with tits! Sex whenever!

The Downside: I developed a totally unlesbionic, politically-incorrect aversion to doing it with anybody on HER period. Not good. I know it's all part of the beauty and mystery of females, how we're all connected to the moon and all that bullshit, but my life was better without monthly bleeding. I started getting spoiled, annoyed with my favorite little piece when she was on her period (again!!!) thinking, "Why can't she be all clean and neat like me?"

I had forgotten what it meant to be a woman. One that sleeps with other women.

I was turning into a guy. I would hit it if it was bleeding, but it kinda grossed me out.
Don't get me wrong - if there is sex to be had, I'm there. I can soldier through a little extra red lube if it means getting laid. But I can't...um, put my face down there. Even at all. And lots of girls can. Lots of girls. But eating a girl out when she's on her period always puts this picture into my head during sex:
Mmmm. Tawnya says that her Slavic grandma told her to put menstrual blood in the food she cooks for her lovers to keep them faithful. It's supposed to be an aphrodisiac. (She's done this. I am not even fucking kidding.) So if you eat out a girl on her period, will you have true love forever? I think yes!

Unless you get a big clot between your teeth.

I don't think I'm gonna risk it.