Swelling the Ranks

Hi oyster-divers!


Madison was fantastic.  There were lesbians everywhere.

[via hellogirls]

And it was basically free!


Remember when I had that job where I was in a different city every day?  Remember that?

Well, one of the perks of it was that I got to keep all my rental car points, hotel points, and frequent flier miles.  


After two years on the road, I officially have more hotel points than God.  


Now, because my lady is a special lady, I treated her ass to an elegant free night at the Holiday Inn Express in Madison for our 5-year anniversary.

You know.  Timeless sophistication.  Class.  Style. 
That's just how I roll.  


*Totallynottobragbut*  I am a Platinum Priority Club member at the Holiday Inn.  

This means that, for two consecutive years running, I've stayed over 50 nights a year at different Holiday Inns around the country.

I used to be strangely proud of my high status.  I'd fling my Platinum Card down on the marble check-in desk with practiced casualness. 


I was world-weary.  
I stayed in hotels every night.  
I wanted my free goodie bag.

[via lesfemmes]

But then, one snowy night last February, I checked into a Holiday Inn in Cincinnati.  My flight had been delayed, so it was very late at night - around 2 in the morning.  
I had just made Platinum.


Impressed with my newly-minted status, I made a show of yawning while drawing out my Holiday Inn Platinum Card.  (It's silver and kinda glittery.)


Teenage Male Clerk Behind the Holiday Inn Desk:  Welcome.  Oh, hey, that's a platinum card.  


Me:  (trying to sound bored while being incredibly excited at this recognition of my high status)  Oh, um, yep.  Travel a lot. You know.  Stay here a lot.


Teenage Male Clerk:  Wow.  (pause)  Your life sucks.


Oh.

[via darlingdays]

You guys.  The pimpled, teenage night-shift clerk wearing a polyester clip-on tie at a Holiday Inn in Cincinnati thought my life sucked.  


And he was so right!  My life did suck!  That platinum card I was so proud of meant I had spent a major portion of my young adult life in a Holiday Inn!

[via lesfemmes]

Fuck.


So anyway! I used some of my ten bazillion hotel points for our stay in Madison.  


CJ and I had a good, trashy weekend.

[via diaphragm]

We sat at a cafe and made fun of some dykes wearing upside-down visors.  

We visited a gay bar called The Shamrock - affectionately known among locals as The Shame Cock.  

We bought $7.99 pink champagne and got extra classy in the hotel hot tub.


Oh yes.


But while walking about the city, hand in hand and feeling smug, we saw something I haven't ever actually seen in real life:  A gay-hater with signs.   

In Madison!  One of the gayest cities in the Midwest!  And no one even seemed to care!  


I couldn't believe it. 

[via girlsbravo] 

A woman, in her mid-50s, was standing on the corner. 

She was wearing a pale pink sweatsuit and scuffed white sneakers.  
She had a hand-lettered sign that said "Gays and Lesbians Want Your Children- They Recruit."  
The other side of the sign had that tired old Bible verse from Leviticus 18:22: "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination."


We walked by her, holding hands.  

I guess we could have confronted her, but we were having a lovely day, and can you really ever talk someone out of their worldview in 3 minutes on the street?


All I could think was:  Fuck yeah we recruit.

[via rememberwhenwewerekids]

But, at least for me, it has more of a "missionary" vibe to it.


Dump your boyfriend!  Come be a lesbian!  It's super over here!  Come bring your boobs this way!  We'd love to have you!

[via lezbhonest]

But I only do that kind of direct marketing when I see a really hot straight girl with her boyfriend and it spontaneously bursts out of me.


In reality, we gays don't need to recruit.


People are lining up to be gay. 

[via hellogirls]

It helps that it's fucking trendy and that Ellen DeGeneres is the face of Oil of Olay.  

It helps that every celebrity on god's green earth is suddenly "admitting" to being bisexual.

C'mon!  People are either queer or they ain't. 

You can't recruit! 


Even if I was actively trying to convince every woman I met for the rest of my life to participate in "the homosexual lifestyle", they'd all eventually have to make the plunge on their own.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.


Or, as CJ put it so tastefully:  "You can grind your cootchie in a girl's face all you want, but she's the one who has to stick her tongue out."

Nice.


I dunno.  The idea that gays recruit seems funny to me, but conservative Christians take it seriously.  

That's the reason they're against gays in school, gays in the military, gays anywhere...they somehow think that our gay glitter will rub off on them.  
Or their children.  


They should be so lucky.  

*Attention conservative Christians:  We don't want you.  Even if we were recruiting people, and that actually worked, we don't take people who wear pleated khakis.

Seriously!  I feel like conservative Christians spend more time thinking about gay sex than I do.

And that's a lot of time.


We homos don't need to recruit.  

If we had a recruitment office, we'd have our feet up on the desk while we ordered pizza and lazily sifted through the 20-ft-tall stack of applicants.

I know it's fun to jokingly try to get your straight friends to switch teams when you go out for drinks, but...


Do you think it's possible to recruit?

(by `Lðuie Banks)

What do y'allfags think about this?

Shacked Up For Serious

Hi ladyfags!


Don't you just fucking love this weather?  


The leaves.  
The acrid burning smell in the air.  

Melancholy and plaid.
Honking geese.  
The bittersweet tweed of it all.

I live near an elementary school, and nothing gives me greater pleasure than to bike by the first-floor windows, where all the kids are trapped inside their classrooms.   

I like to circle slowly on the sidewalk and wave at the children. 

Then I mouth "SUCKERS!!!" and gesture at the brilliant blue sky outside. 


Laughing wildly, I pedal off into the golden morning.

[by Chloe McLennan]

There is nothing better than being done with school.


But! the best part about this time of year is the resurgence of scarves.  


YES!

One minute, it's summer and it's so fucking hot that, as you get ready to go out, you're thinking: "Accessories...hmmm...accessories...you know what?  I think skin is a good accessory"  and the next minute, it's autumn, and you go:  "This outfit sucks...but what if I add a scarf???"  

BOOM!  
Instant mystery!  
Instant "I-go-to-art-school"!

Scarves.  
Hells yes. 


Tomorrow, CJ and I are driving to Madison, WI for a little weekend trip.  
We're celebrating our five year anniversary.  


FIVE YEARS, you guys.  


If our relationship was a baby, it would have already outgrown regular Dora the Explorer and moved onto Slutty Dora.

Five years!  I've kind of been freaking out about it.

A little bit.

This is a milestone.  Five years is a big deal.


This is a bigger deal than when I turned 25 and realized that every day was another day closer to death and started asking Dee, my hairdresser, if she could see any bald spots.


Me:  No?  No thinning?  Tell me if there's any thinning, right along the crown.  I definitely thought I saw a thin patch up there the other day.


Dee:  No.


Me:  You would tell me, though, right?


Dee:  There's not.


Me:  I swear to god it's getting thinner. I'll probably go bald.  I don't mind, really.  Wigs would be ok.  Itchy, though.  Hot.


Dee:  Would you shut the fuck up.

Five years with CJ.
This is my longest romantic relationship.  By a long shot.  

And while CJ is totally fine, all breezing along and shit, I am consumed with sudden questions.

(by lesliee!!)

*What if this is it?


*What if this isn't it?


*If this isn't it, shouldn't we break up NOW?  Avoiding further time wasted?  While everyone still looks good in jeggings?


*If this is it, shouldn't I be sure?  And shouldn't something major happen, like a house or a dog or a wedding or a joint cell phone plan?  


*What if we stay together for 20 years and then break up?  Who will I date then?  Everybody good might already be taken!

Jesus. 


CJ says it's fine - everything I'm feeling is fine, and we should just take our relationship as it goes, and we don't need to make any huge decisions right this second, and nobody is breaking up with anybody in 20 years just yet, and maybe I shouldn't drink any more espresso drinks after 5 p.m.

[via pissangel]

But.  But.

Everyone I know is breaking up with each other.  

(by dusdincondren)

What I need are some fucking role models.


I was thinking about this the other day, and I realized something: 
I don't know any settled dyke couples.  

I don't know anybody who's been in a basically happy lesbian relationship for longer than 10 years.  


Anybody.

[via crowcrow]

I know settled gay boy couples.  That doesn't help.   
They're gay, but not gay ladies.

I know settled straight couples.  
That reeeeeeally doesn't help. 

But I don't know any dyke couples in their 40's or 50's or 60's.


Why is that?  Why don't I know any?  
Or even know of any lesbians in really long-term relationships?

Where are they?  
Prop 8 makes us furious, so a bunch of us must be in it for the long haul.


So why don't I ever see them?  The settled lesbians?

Are they lost in the black hole of having children? (You know.  Your friends have a baby and then the next time you see them, the kid is working on his fractions homework.) 

Do they live in small towns and spend their time with large gardens and a multitude of dogs? 

Or are they just so over going out that I never see them ever? 


It's possible that settled lesbian couples are all around me and I simply don't see them.  

But I want to see them!  I want to talk with them!  
Go out for beers!  


I'd love just one example of what it's like to be with another woman for a long-ass time.  

I know they're out there.


So where are they?  


Where are the dyke-y role models? 


Anybody know what it's like long-term?

[via candywarhol] 

I think I need a little inspiration.

blue blue little blue

Today I tried to wear denim, from pants to outfit. This photo was taken, when I would go to pondok indah mall. don't know why, I want to wear denim today.
so I tried to wearing a denim outfit and harem pants :)